Your Wound is Not Your Fault, but Your Healing is Your Responsibility.

There is a saying that goes like this: ‘Your wound is probably not your fault. But your healing is your responsibility.’

Speaking to groups of women, I ask how many know of struggles in their lives. All hands go up. Who knows about joy and pleasure in their lives? Once again, every hand goes up. Life has us experiencing both ends of the spectrum.

How many times have you said or heard someone else say,

'I thought I had it bad, but someone else is always doing it harder.' We can even use this to diminish our pain, but let's use it to help us step back and see we are not ALONE in our pain.

Whatever has been our experience, it has been damn hard. No denying that. It has been horrendous, soul-destroying, painful, sad, humiliating, frustrating, and violating, and I could fill the page with all the emotions and feelings that we each have experienced.

I remember when I went through my divorce, I seriously thought that no one could truly feel what I was feeling. No one else could have experienced such happy times in their marriage and times of connection for it to have ended in divorce like mine. No one understood that it was different for me! When I was in my deepest pain, I seriously could not see that anyone else could understand what I was going through. We think we are alone and struggle through those feelings of despair. How often have you had different scenarios like this in your life? Maybe not divorce, but something so very painful.

Often, the experiences of pain overshadow any joy. If asked to find some joyful things, without the pain being the focus, we generally can find something that brings a smile to our faces. I often hear how friendships have been formed throughout that period of pain that became lifelong. New skills may have been formed, or we may come across our creative side that had never had a place before.

When we have had the time to go through the emotions of grief, anger, sadness, shame, blame, and guilt, we can then start to get a glimpse that we are not alone. Many have walked through the things we have, or they will do at some time. We can see that there are many suffering along with us. We can take a step back and see the bigger picture, that collectively, others are walking through their ‘dark night of the soul’ as well. We start to feel compassion as we move out of the ‘this is happening to me’ stage, but we can begin to see ‘that it is happening for me’. Taking us to new places, and we can see that the hurting is opening new doors.

We also start to see what our responsibility is. We do have the capacity to heal. Our body is miraculous in its ability to heal; thankfully, our hearts are too. Once we can see that, we then get to cherish our own healing. To do something that has us turn up and make the most of the life we have. Our playing small is seen as hindering our expansion. We start to see choices again. Our stepping up and healing also allows others around us to begin to see their choices and pathways clearly.

How many people have you watched hit rock bottom and rebuild? They have known pain, either from the hands of others, themselves, or acts of nature beyond their control, but they have risen higher than ever before. They have used the pain from their experiences to touch many others and, above all, still expand and become their own best version.

You, too, can do it. Step back and remember you are not alone—never alone. Reach out and do something for yourself. You are the only one who can start the process of your own healing. Thank you for believing you are worthy of having a full, joyful life.

Be Brave, Be Love, Be Kind, Be Real